I am allergic to couples. When I am exposed to them I get prickly, irritable, nauseated, revolted, obliviated, stupified, stressed - altogether, or in parts. What I don’t however, is pick up boils, develop rashes, run temperatures, develop coughs, feel jittery(there is sometimes that tingling feeling though, like when one loses tooth enamel), lose body-balance, froth from the mouth, see hallucinations or any funny symptom of this order. I guess it is safe to say: I am better off away from them. Thus the allergy theory. Before you start making conclusions – I am straight and single(but have no aversion to being a pair). There is no bitterness too; I am happy the way I am.
I am living through a time when my friends are getting married, having kids, fooling around, so I am exposed to couples a lot. It is not that I don’t love them. I love my friends, just don’t understand their behavior when they are a pair. I say fool around you lot, do it to your heart’s content. Let the Earth in its timeless beauty be your playground without any international boundaries. But when you do it, why do you remember me? Don't get me wrong, all I am saying is: why do you feel the need to share your intimate moments with me I wonder? I am just stumped by the gesture. I do understand that love between a man and his woman is one of the most beautiful things in this world as is all kinds of love out there. There are fewer things more beautiful than a kiss of love and I have been humbled by this exchange of love in the earnest. That being said, I limit that feel of wonder for the couples kissing on screen or for my partner – when I find her. I really dread the summer, no, not for the heat. But that is when you guys go for your honeymoons and your trips and what-not and flood Fb with your pictures. Do I really have to see you and your partner kissing, hugging, and doing it in front of every statue, every fountain, under every damn tree and on every park bench all over Europe, Singapore, Malaysia? Where has the old-school way of doing these things and NOT showcasing it to the whole world, died huh? I say dig that up from wherever it has been buried and post it on Fb like a ticker tape – on an infinite loop. The next time I sit down infront of my computer with my morning cuppa listening to the bird-song and breathing in the stillness of the pure dawn air spare me the sight of you guys hugging the living breaths out of each other.
Have your double-dates and your couple get-togethers and your weird past-time games, I understand the feeling that you feel different now that you are with each other. But pray can you not be condescending next time when you are with us single-lot? I can bet that you didn’t learn anything overnight when you were fooling around, so why suppose now that we your friends up until this point and perfect gentlemen don’t know how to handle it when we see you as a couple? We knew how to be around a lady or a guy as the case might be, before this; so why the airs as though we cannot handle it? How do you suddenly forget that you were one among us right up until she said “yes”, making the same sick jokes, poking fun, neck-deep in general tom-foolery and suddenly turn a ‘new leaf’? Why this insecurity? Either keep us the way you saw us or move on you lot. It does hurt to ask you to push off though – even though you would do that without batting an eyelid.
Will I become one of you lot? Not a chance in a million. I laugh even as I write this. As a guideline take this: there are things you can share on Fb guys – pictures of your new house, a family picture, your new stereo, that new awesome car that you bought, even the new shoes that she wants to flaunt(all of this earn a big thumbs-up), pictures of the two of you looking into the sunset(yes), of the two of you looking dreamily into each other’s eyes(ahem), kissing as if there is no tomorrow(quit spoiling my today). See the drift? On a similar note with girls I should believe. Though I can be damned if I know what counts as ok with you lot! I am joking. Don’t cross the “weird-line” people; that is the thumb rule. You know it, because you were once single too. So use that brain of yours - if you can manage to bring blood back to it, and be “unweird”. You can be sure that I still love you lot from the bottom of my heart and would still want to be around you – pray don’t give me the creeps.